Category Archives: Humor

7 Ways to Show Your Writing a Mother’s Love

A mother’s love is a funny thing. It seems to me an unending, ever fruitful, and often times colossal, force to be reckoned with. Take for instance my mother:

  • Hard working owner of a B&B
  • Devoted Peony farmer
  • Grandmother/fill in mother of two full-time Grand-babies
  • Volunteer for multiple organizations
  • Doting wife
  • Loving Daughter

And that’s in a nut shell. The list of my mom’s to-dos goes on and on and on…and on. Yet, she still manages to come to my blog, and read every single one of my posts. If you go back right now and check in the comments section, she is often the first person (ok…Sometimes the only) to comment.

Those comments are always filled with affection, support, joy, and genuine happiness at having read something I wrote. Why? Because she’s operating with a mother’s love. When a mom loves her child, she will go above and beyond to make sure they feel that devotion.

After reading my mom’s last loving comment, I got to thinking…Why shouldn’t our writing get a mother’s love? After all, these words are our babies, are they not? They are the infants of our mind, and deserve that same sort of diligent affection that my mother finds time to shower me with.

So… I made a list.

7 Ways to Show your Writing a Mother’s Love

  1. Dedication: Let’s start here. I’m needy and forgetful. My mom knows this. If she didn’t constantly remind me that she loved and adored me…How, oh how, would I ever remember, or believe it? You’re writing is the same way. It’s needy. If you don’t dedicate yourself to writing daily, and express your devotion by getting words on the page, your skills will slowly start to rust. So, as I begin to wither without my mother’s constant reminders of devotion, our writing too will suffer without our attention. We must devote ourselves to writing, and improving our relationship with the written word.
  2. Confidence: I don’t know about your mom, but mine is a permanent resident of the ‘Brittney Fan club’. It is her faith that often times drives me to bigger and better things. So I say, give this confidence to your writing. An author once told me, “We are only as good as we believe we are.” Have faith in your ability to not only write, but to write well, and let that confidence bring your words to a greater level. It won’t come easily, but knowing that you are a Writer, that this is a tangible thing you can embrace, may give you a needed push to carry on.
  3. “You can do better”: When I was a child, my mother used this statement often. It’s not that what I had done was wrong, or unsatisfactory, but she knew that I was capable of so much more. Push your writing to be better. Don’t settle for mediocre or subpar verbiage. Explore, prod, and excel. Always. Give yourself goals, and push your own boundaries until your writing reaches the levels you want it to. Don’t give up on it.
  4. Nourishment: Mom’s feed us, so we must feed our writing. Attend seminars, read, go to writing conferences, and never stop learning. Feed your inner writer with knowledge!
  5. Freedom: My mom was rather rad, in that she let me have more freedom as a child than most parents. However, at any given age…in certain cases much later than others… we all must fly the coop.  Our moms have to let go — to give us our freedom. Give this to your writing! Allow the inner writer to just write. Don’t worry about grammar, or spelling or using the correct language… Just write. Give it creative freedom, and you may find something beautiful and outrageous. Something that would never have come to you in the confines of your own strict rules.
  6. Knowing when to walk away: Not going to lie… This drove me crazy!!! When we would argue, my mom was always the first to walk away. ‘Give me space’…’I’m done talking about this right now’…We’ve heard them all before! But, what I didn’t realize until I was out and about getting into crazy shenanigans… is that these moments of our relationship, were simply another type of love. I’m stubborn… and I didn’t get it entirely from my dad. When she walked away it was because she knew neither of us were going to give. She was giving us the space needed to breath, the space needed to soak in each other’s side. Know when to walk away from your writing. It needs space, and so do you! Give yourself time to let go of your stubborn streak, and come back to the pages with a new found openness. It could be that you really don’t need that scene with the rubber duck and polka-dot umbrella. Or, maybe, that scene is the Bee’s knees, and needs velociraptors with light sabers… Only you can decide… We walk away so that we can more clearly see if we need to kill our babies. She, as of now, has let me live.
  7. Love: Just pure and simple. My mother loves me. She tells me, in not only her words, but in her actions as well. I feel that love, and other people are able to see it. If you truly love your writing, and you express that love through devotion to your craft…Readers will see it and they will feel it through your words.

Give your mom a hug… She certainly deserves it!

Cheers

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ROW80 Update and A Snippet

Ok… So Goal updates..

New Week’s Resolutions: Go.

-Tracking: I’d say that I tracked better, but if we’re being honest, not as well as my goal specified. I’d give myself a C on this one. I’ve also had the munchies, and not even in a “Washington state’s new law” sort of way. Just eating too much.

-Question evasion: This actually went quite poorly. I thought it would be super fun to avoid questions all week, but it wasn’t.  I completely forgot most of the time, and couldn’t tell you from day to day if I was even asked direct questions, let alone answered them or not. I, in one moment of clarity, had a fun little questions debate with a coworker, but it ended after only a few short evasions. In that brief interlude I decided (with a sly little chuckle, I should add) not to tell my coworkers about the goal because then they’d hound me all week with direct questions. Out of sight out of mind apparently, because I was nothing but forthright and accommodating all week. How disappointing.

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TBL-Thursday!! Ten Things About Living on a Boat…

Here is a short compilation of things I found out after living on a boat…not in any particular order of importance..

1.)  Men don’t feel the need to shut the bathroom door when they Pee..Ever.

2.) A girl that says the word Boob, tit, or any of the other varying descriptions of said female anatomy are chill..Unless they are yelling about eye contact…then they are scary.

3.) After one becomes Chill, men no longer care if they are being gross, disgusting or innapropriate. It sounds bad..but it’s WAY better then the Walking on Eggshells approach.

4.) If you work on a boat, you do not ever have to buy a movie again. I’ve got about 900 of them, and have yet to watch them all!

5.) Any movie, show or two hours of entertainment don’t have to be entertaining…they just have to A. Help you fall asleep..or B. Make two hours pass by.

6.) Overtime is Overrated.

7.) A Seaman(woman) mariner?… does not have to be immune to seasickness, they just can’t be a whiner.

8.) You can’t be claustrophobic, dislike public bathrooms, or be against public displays of upper chest hair..particularly higher chest hair… I’m talking neck hair area.

9.) Being a cook is paramount to being the Golden Child..  Unless you stink.. Then you are universally hated by all….often receiving awful nicknames like Fruit fly…Mine is Cookie, thank you very much.

10.) Gum is a highly forgotten substance, that many desire and if you bring a case of it on board it is much like a prison in that you can trade it for much more valuable objects.

Well, those are just a few of the ones I can think of, but I’ll save some for later on! Have a great day/night!

Brittney

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Foodie Friday- MUG bread

Ok, So this recipe isn’t the most amazing tasting, and it definitely wont fill you up.. unless you’ve been eating 500 calories a day or something. But, it is pretty much the coolest thing I have seen in forever, and it takes about 5 minutes to make.. including cook and prep time.

First… Get a mug. Make sure its a nice Mug, with a pretty design, flowers.. oh and it has to be microwave safe. I used a uniformly circular mug and it seemed to work pretty well. I think next time I make it I will put it in a Tupperware container and make a mud bread that is a bigger (hopefully better) slice (or two) of bread.

Task one:

MUG

CHECK!

Task two:

Ingredient Gathering..

1 tsp Butter

1 Egg

1/4 cup flax seed meal

1/2 Tsp Baking Powder (and I mean POWDER..None of that Soda crap!)

1 Tsp Cinnamon

1-2 Packets of Stevia..or TT

Directions:

Melt your butter in the bottom of the mug and egg the egg, mixing it with a fork until uniformly yellow-ish in color. Mix all dry ingredients in a small bowl and shuffle together like a deck of cards.. Or twirl it around with a spoon.. either way.

Add dry to wet (toss it in the cup) and stir!

Throw it into the Microwave for one minute and 15 seconds or up to 2 minutes(depending on heat of Microwave)

Pull out, flip over on plate and VWALA! You have mug bread!

This bread is slightly sweet with a nice cinnamon hint..it sort of reminds me of a honey wheat. Next time I make it I’m going to experiment with Banana bread, or adding spices to make it a bit more sandwich friendly!

Now, as we discussed this bread is not the end all in breads.. But if you have no bread in the house, or if you’re avoiding starches and processed sugars it’s a cool science experiment that you can give a whirl.. I bet your kids would love making it too! Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

Brittney

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CD Switch-a-Roo- TBL Thursday

Were back for TBL (Tug Boat Life) Thursdays with another story for your reading enjoyment! This little morsel happened about a year ago, and still makes me chuckle to this day! Enjoy!

 

Here at work most people spend half of their 12 hour shift sitting around, trying to keep themselves entertained. Whether that be through reading a new book, watching a new movie, or reading/watching something they have already experienced just to get the hours to crawl by more quickly. Hence, the external hard-drive was born aboard the vessels. I mean obviously the EH wasn’t really born here, but once it got started it spread like wildfire. I have around 900 movies on my hard drive, some of which I have never seen. *Thanks the Stars* Anyway, before I got this pinnacle of modern technology I carried with me a huge CD case filled to the brim with bargain movies I had found at pawn shops and the like.   I had movies like Troy, Enchanted, and Time Machine.. If you haven’t seen that last one..I mentioned these were bargain discs right? Anything that could drag me away from being at work, even if only for a couple of hours.

I was not the least technologically sound.

There was a man on my boat, who we will call Riff. Well Riff didn’t have a computer and he didn’t carry movies with him. Not many at least. So about two days into my hitch he asks me if he can grab a couple Cd’s from me so that he could play them on his little 9 inch digi-type-player. I agreed and flopped the big honking binder in front of him saying, “Have at it…some of them are a bit scratched though.”

He spent weeks going through my movies, taking 3 or 4 at a time and returning them when he was done. Well, about 5 days before I was getting off he was down to his last few movies, and he decided to settle and watch a Chick flick. Has anyone see the movie “Hot Chick”? Yea.. he was that desperate.

Well, I went down to serve dinner, and when he came down he sadly told me that the Cd was not working, but he was curious if I would try it in my computer…just incase it was the player and not the CD that was skipping. So I told him I’d take a look after I cleaned up the galley.

Later that night I called him over, told him to grab Hot Chicks and bring it to my room so that I could try it in my comp. I ejected the disc I had in there, and waited with one hand stretched towards the door while scanning my screen with the other. It only took him a few seconds and I felt him place the disc into my palm. As he starts to go on about how it stops at the menu and wont let him watch any farther I start to slide it into my Macbook. I glance down, and stop. My lips curl up into a smile, and then I laugh. A short disbelieving laugh, which causes him to stop talking.

“Riff…you sure this is the CD you want me to take a look at?”

I am now holding in my hand a Cd titled, Big Titties III or maybe it was Beautiful Busty Broads.. Or something along those lines. His face falls, and if you can imagine a walrus getting red in the face, whiskers all a flutter…that is liken to what this man’s face looked like. He started huffing and snorting, outrageously uncomfortable with the situation. I started to laugh at his discomfort, but the crowning glory was when he deemed it necessary to explain.

“oh..my.. Well you see.. Your disc wasn’t working and I just got bored.”

BAHAHA! Hear that everyone? Beautiful busty broads.. they cure boredom.

Hope you enjoyed it! It’s one of the more humorous situations that I’ve come across here in my Tug Boat Life! Cheers!

Brittney

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It’s F*king Raw!!

And it is. Raw, Real, and Uncut… Or at least that’s what I’d like to think. I don’t know why people come back week after week, season after season to watch Gordon Ramsey annihilate another round of unfortunates on Hell’s Kitchen (myself included)…But, I’m sure for some it’s the simple joy of watching another person get their ass handed to them, yes..there are people who enjoy that. Or for others, it could be the intense drama that it brings to mind, a drama up until now one could only speculate on. Continue reading

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Female Writers-Add To Your Writing Tool Box!

Or guys I guess…If your a guy and you looked at this..tsk tsk. So nosy!

Do my a favor. Stick your hand out and honestly assess your fingernails…What do you see? Mine are growing out, except my left hand thumb nail which I accidentally sliced off with a chef’s knife last week.  Continue reading

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